BE YOUR OWN CRITIQUE PARTNER

     Critique partners or groups can be a writer's valuable asset, but what happens when your time is short or you lose your partner? Laying aside your story in progress for a period of time gives you a new perspective and a fresh approach.

          How long is a period of time?

          That depends on time available..

               Optimal would be months or at least weeks. Put aside the story and 1) Write several articles, short stories, or blog posts  2) Plot out a new manuscript 3) Rewrite another  rough draft 4) Brainstorm new ideas for stories 5) Write a brand new rough draft 6) Do final edits on a story for deadline

               If you don’t have weeks or months, aim for days. 1) Attend a conference or workshop 2) Take a vacation 3) Write one or two short pieces 4) Do a major housecleaning or closet redo 5) Take a temporary job or  get involved in a volunteer opportunity.

               What if a deadline is looming and you have mere hours? 1) Take a walk outdoors 2) Go for a couple hours of shopping and try on clothes 3)Watch a movie 4) Meet a friend for lunch or a coke 5) Have a heart to heart talk with a loved one.

Do you get the idea? Take a break from that story. Move your thinking away from it. Allow a short period of time when your mind dwells on something besides that story.

Now, you’re ready to go back over it for a critique.

Use the same techniques that you use to critique someone else’s work. Here’s a possible ten things to remember.

1.  Don’t dwell on the negative. Point out what you like about the writing or story and bask in the warm glow of confidence.

 

     2. Does the first sentence or two make you want to read more?  Does the beginning set the tone of

         the book and keep that tone until the end?

3. Does the ending satisfy you and tie up all loose ends?

 

4. Do you lose interest about chapter 4-7, or does your interest continue to peak? Check for plot points and the black moment. Could you eliminate or add characters? Does it flow? Is the pace appropriate for each scene?

5. Check for passive words. Do you have lots of action verbs? Can you turn sentences around to make them active? Circle the words was, were, have, had, to be, being. Is there some of them you can eliminate?

Examples: Before: Lacey’s body was tense.

                  After:   Tension gripped Lacey’s body.

                 Before: Shelley’s head was hot from the sun beaming on it.

                  After:    Sunbeams heated Shelley’s head.

Look through your manuscript for such examples you might improve.

              

6. Is there a portion of your story that you summarized which should be a real-time scene? What about the reverse? Is there a real-time scene that you might summarize to avoid lagging interest? Is there any scene that doesn’t further the story or the characterization. If so, eliminate it.

 

7. Do a find for words that you use too often and get rid of them? I seem to love just so often have to delete it. What about at least, more often, really, a lot?” What about a really good word that adds to your story like captivate? Use only once, or it ceases to carry power

Examples: Before: She just loved the mall.

                  After:   She loved the mall. – This means the same without the extra word,.

       You might use the extra word as part of your characterization, however.

 

         Adverbs, got to love them, or hate them, but most experts say delete them.

Examples: Before: I’m very excited to be here.

                              After:     I’m excited to be here.

              Leave off the adverb and it means the same thing.

              Maybe, it would be better to turn it around and make it active.

                                  Excitement doubled me over with stomach butterflies.

 

8. Is every portion of dialogue needed? Does it further the story? Does it tell about the character? Does each character's dialogue sound different? Does body language replace words? 

Examples:   “Hey, Lace, stop it. You’re a gorgeous woman.”

                     “Ditto, Boss."

                     “I’m old, overweight, and overwhelmed. That’s what I am and that's what I'll stay because I'm weak-willed and a pushover..”

        Did I succeed at sounding like three different characters without dialogue tags or beats? That’s our challenge.

.    9.     Check for point of view problems. Look through one person's eyes only. We can know their

            thoughts, what they see, what they smell, but we can't know anyone else's view.

             Check for show, don't tell problems. This gets many of us.

                       I can't just tell you Victoria hates living in the country.

                       I must show chickens pecking her legs, and the sun burning her face. Her thoughts

                              must  reveal the loneliness she feels without a friend..

    10. Did you introduce too many characters in the beginning and confuse the reader? Start with no

           more than three named characters if possible. A good way then to introduce other characters is

           to let us learn about them from the original characters before introducing them.

Read your story out loud and look for anything that makes you stop, pause, or try to understand. Instead, keep the reader plowing through your words not being able to stop even at the chapter breaks.

Use a critique partner if you can. If not, be your own. 

Janet K. Brown lives in Wichita Falls, Texas and loves to write, visit with grandkids, and travel with her husband in their RV.  4RV Publishing released her debut novel, Victoria and the Ghost, an inspirational YA in 2012. The example in number nine above comes from that book. Visit with Janet at her website/blog: http://www.janetkbrown.com

 

 

Purchase site for Victoria and the Ghost. http://4rvpublishingcatalog.yolasite.com/janet-brown.php

 

 

On Butterbeer

by Suzanne Y. Cordatos
www.suzannecordatos.blogspot.com

Quick--Name something that exists solely because a writer dreamed it up. One yummy example is Harry Potter’s favorite drink, butterbeer. On tap and wildly popular in Florida, a butterbeer can foam your lips courtesy of a JK Rowling-approved recipe. After reading a scene in the books or visiting Hogsmeade in the movies with Harry and friends, you can’t help but crave a butterbeer mustache of your own.

Does your writing contain powerful objects? Do you create symbols? Do you simply hand your characters a cool prop when convenient? People intuitively know a good thing when they read about one. Make your object important and they’ll remember it.

Consider butterbeer. A frothy, slightly fizzy, kid-friendly butterscotch drink, butterbeer is on hand to celebrate a Quidditch win or relax on a day off school. Is it a coincidence that Harry's friends often smuggle the stuff into their cozy common room? Is it an accident that the worst wintry weather coincides with pub trips? In contrast to the cold outside, the friends holding the mugs take on the warmth and comforting qualities of the drink. Who doesn't need friends, warmth and comfort? I'd guess J.K. Rowling designed butterbeer moments with great intention. 

The orphan Harry was friendless as can be before arriving at the wizard school. It is friendship—love—that ultimately gives Harry the strength he needs to defeat the villain Voldemort. Friendship is a powerful theme in the Harry Potter books, and butterbeer is a symbol of that theme. No wonder fans make the trek to Orlando to taste it!

Ordinary objects can hold great significance. A photo of a person or place your character hopes to see again. An apron once worn by a treasured grandma who knew how to cook her way into a family’s heart. The smell of a flower or a few notes of a melody remind your character of a person, place or aching need.

Create a symbol:

            Is it necessary to the scene? To the overall story?

            Are your scenes cluttered with objects? Can fewer be given a spotlight?

            Does the object represent anything else going on? Does it symbolize a theme?

            Fantastical or ordinary, is your symbol grounded in humanity? 

Characters come alive when they need to do things such as eat, drink, love, sleep, clean, communicate, travel and defend rights just like us. Your characters will leap off the written page and resonate with readers.            

Pebbles on the Beach

Pebbles on the Beach

By Suzanne Young Cordatos          

 www.suzannecordatos.blogspot.com      

Are you a collector?

When on vacation, I find it impossible to resist bringing back a piece of the place. How better to preserve memories of special times, gatherings, food, music, and scenery than holding it, literally, in one’s hand?

Sometimes a “piece” means a cheap refrigerator magnet in the shape of the Mayflower, but often it means a literal piece picked off the ground. My husband is from Athens, Greece, and visits to his family always include a trip to the beach. The ubiquitous pebble beaches of Greece are a wonderful place to find packable treasures. Marble chunks smoothed by years in the Mediterranean Sea. The whitest pebbles, or the blackest. Pieces of blue and green bottles. Broken terracotta so smooth it seems like an ordinary pebble, but one that might have originated in some ancient past. Each pebble contains the power to bring back visions of my kids dancing in a village square, laughing and stumbling over the fancy Greek footwork.

Collect words

In my writing, too, I am a collector. When I first began, I voraciously sought out “how-to” books. How to structure a story. How to bring believable characters or plots to life. How to build a platform. Then I realized: I was doing a lot more reading about writing than actually writing. Has this happened to you? We “feel” like writers, therefore we are? Nope. Not unless we are writing! Now, I prefer collecting books of words, unique thesaurus-style books filled with words relevant to whatever theme I am exploring barefoot at the moment.

Keep a small notebook

Collect special sayings that touch your heart in a notebook. They might worm their way into a book's theme. A small notebook can be a writer’s best friend, easily on hand to record the joys/pains of life. Annual events like the 4^th of July would seem easy to recall, as they happen pretty much the same every year—but on a winter’s day writing about it, are you going to remember the sound of the American stripes flapping in a strong breeze, or its hooks clanging a summer music against the flagpole? Will you remember the sting of lemon in a fresh cut, or the pesky bee buzzing around the pitcher of lemonade? 

Writing tips - Showing action in writing

by Vivian Zabel     

 Lights! Camera! Action!

(Showing action in writing)

          “Action” brings to mind a movie director starting the filming of a scene. Writers should keep that in mind when writing action whether in a love story, an adventure, or any other genre. Action should be included in scenes, framed portions included in the story line. 

          According to Betty Wilson Beamguard, (“Actions speak louder,” The Writer, September 2005), writers should step back and observe each scene being written as if the writer were a movie director. Each character in the scene should be active, doing things to enhance his words. The action activity should convey a message that fits. Action is portrayed through the use of strong action verbs, not with passive voice or state of being verbs.

          “Narrative summary can drag down the pace, while physical movement, dialogue and scenes engage your reader,” says Jordan E. Rosenfeld in the February 2007 issue of the same magazine. He calls a scene a frame “a little ‘container’ of action and description that reveals plot information and engages the reader.”

          Even when a story is given in written form, the reader should be able to “view” it, see what is happening, as if a drama or play is unfolding. This need for action must be explored so that readers stay focused on the plot. Rosenfeld states, “What you put 'onstage' in your scenes is what your audience members can see for themselves.” This action allows readers to participate and be affected by what happens.

          If too much expository is used or the scene isn’t interesting, a reader becomes frustrated and starts skipping paragraphs, even pages. The author has, in effect, lost his audience, the reader. Most information given in descriptive or narrative paragraphs can be presented through dialogue and action, woven through the plot in a way to provide new information and to advance the story. The conflict, setting, setup, and “what happen next” components necessary for a good plot can be developed more interestingly through action (dialogue, movements and actions of characters, body and facial behavior, and use of action verbs and active voice).

          One point that Quinn Dalton makes (The Writer, December 2006), “A scene’s action must be connected to the central concerns of the story.” Action needs to be connected to the plot, not thrown in just for the fun of it, as padding.

          Any stories or novels, even poetry, requires some powerful action. The reader needs to “see” the chase, the fight, the escape. Short sentences with strong action verbs helps make the action tough and invigorating. That doesn’t mean that each sentence should be so short that the writing becomes too choppy, but long, complex or compound sentences distract from the action portrayed. 

          Authors need to think like movie directors and develop scenes of action that become visions in the minds of readers. Which leads to a lesson about  
  

Show, Don’t Tell

         Well-written material allows the reader to see, hear, and feel what is happening rather than being told what happened. This show, don’t tell idea makes stories, whether fiction or non-fiction, and poetry live in the mind of the reader. News stories haven’t yet come under the umbrella of showing, but the purpose of straight news items is different. Let’s look at the difference between telling and showing through the following examples:

Telling:

         The couple walked down the road until they reached a house. The man hurried around the side of the house to peek around the corner as the woman knocked on the door. When an elderly man opened the screen, the hidden man jumped onto the porch with a gun in his hand, shooting the older man in the chest.

Showing through dialogue and action:

         “Jason, I don’t think we should be a doin’ this.” Marla pulled against the scraggly-haired man forcing her along the country road. “Look, we can manage some other way, can’t we?”

         With a sharp curse, Jason jerked her to a stop. “We’ll do what we planned to do. You better not back out now. Don’t even be thinkin’ that way, or I’ll make you hurt real bad.”

         Tears pooled in Marla’s eyes as she shuffled along the side of the dusty road. She wiped her nose on the arm of the faded sweatshirt she wore with tattered jeans. “Okay, okay, I’ll do it. Jest don’t hurt me any more.”

         With a rough push in her back, Jason caused her stumble a few steps before she caught her balance. “Jest get on up the drive to the house and don’t knock on the door until I get hid.” He ran ahead of her, up the steps to the wrap-around porch, and behind the corner of the house. He waved for Marla to knock on the door when she paused at the top of the steps. When she hung her head without moving, he hissed until she glanced toward him. Once he had her attention, he glared at her and shook a fist in her direction before jabbing a finger toward the door.

         Marla’s shoulders rose as she took a deep breath. She stepped to the door and lightly rapped with her fist. She started to turn away when the screen creaked open. An wizened man with wisps of gray hair standing away from his head stood in the opening.

         “What’s ja need?” he asked, leaning against the door jam. 

         Jason leaped from behind the corner of the house, a gun in his right hand. The elderly man jumped back and tried to slam the door, but he couldn’t move as rapidly as the younger man. Jason fired the gun twice. Marla stood staring at the blood squirting from the man’s narrow chest.

         He doesn’t look like he could of had that much blood, she thought as she backed away, a hand at her throat.

Showing through action:

         The couple moved in stops and starts down the country road. The young man with the stringy hair pulled the stumbling woman, no more than a teenager, and she resisted. They stopped, and the man shook the girl, yelling at her. The girl’s shoulder heaved, but she no longer fought him as they proceeded to a house set back from the gravel road.

         The man hopped onto the wrap-around porch and hid behind the corner of the house. He motioned to the girl to knock on the door. She hesitated. He pumped his fist in her direction and pointed to the door. She lowered her head but did as directed.

         When an elderly man opened the screen, the younger man leaped from behind the corner of house, a gun in his right hand. The elderly man jumped back and tried to slam the door, but the younger man was faster. He fired the gun twice. The girl stared at the blood squirting from the older man’s narrow chest.

***

         If we as writers try to write as if the narrator is an observer living the actions, behavior, and story as it unfolds before him, then we are showing, not telling. We're providing a mental "movie" in the reader's mind.

         Does that mean that a writer never "tells" anything? No, but we need to be sure we don't have "information dumps," where information is "told" in large doses, slowing or halting the flow of the story we want to bring to life. Small bits and pieces of information should be scattered throughout our writing in a way that keeps the reader's interest and allows the plot to continue to more forward, adding to the reader's understanding and enjoyment.

         Action creates a more interesting story.

Vivian Zabel, author of Midnight Hours