Review: Hello, Wigwam

 

 

Hello, Wigwam by L. John Lawrence

Reviewed by Bob Jasper

 

            In Hello, Wigwam, L. John Lawrence pulls together a dozen or so intriguing stories in this fictionalized memoir based on his experiences in Vietnam. In a short 150 pages, Lawrence captures the reader and endears him to his alter ego, Private Albert Costas.

            Costas arrives at Tan Son Nhut Air Base in Saigon in the scorching heat of August 1970, just 10 weeks after graduating from high school and fresh out of Army boot camp. He’s immediately thrust into the insanity of war. Though not assigned to a combat unit, Costas gets a good feel for the “Absurdities of War” (the first section of the book). Assigned to MAC-V (Military Assistance Command – Vietnam), Costas faces such grave questions as whether or not President Herbert Hoover is still alive and who is the “Phantom Shitter” and what about the “Dead Bed?” Lawrence entertains with the humor of Catch-22, and the excitement of expeditions behind enemy lines.

Costas, who has no experience as a journalist, wonders why the Army assigned him of all people to a unit that writes press releases and provides information to other military units.

Each of the twenty short chapters of Hello, Wigwam relates an incident with humor amid the pathos of war building up to several climactic chapters in which Costas joins a Special Ops unit headed north of the DMZ on a Top-Secret mission.

Even while on R&R in Honolulu, Costas manages to get himself into a jam so threatening it has him yearning to return to Vietnam, and the reader wondering if he’ll make it.

The only drawback to this delightful little book is its shortness. Like any good book, it leaves the reader panting for more.

L. John Lawrence had an interesting career in the Air Force. After that, he joined NASA and became the voice of the Space Shuttle program for the first 24 Space Shuttle flights. He’s earned several awards for his writing.

For more information on Lawrence and his other books, visit his website: http://www.ljohnlawrence.com.

This book can also be obtained direct from the publisher, 4RV Publishing, 35427 State Highway 58, Hydro, OK 73048, or  http://4rvpublishingcatalog.com.

Use MRUs

What are motivation reaction units (MRUs?

 

In writing fiction, for every action, there must be an equal reaction.

 

If we write, “He caught the ball,” we must have before that, someone throwing or batting a ball.

 

Example:

 

            Action or motivation for reaction

The batter held steady then swung with ease, but the ball sailed over the head of the second baseman and curved to the middle ground uncovered by the defense.

Reaction 

From center field, the player ran, did a cartwheel, and scooped up the ball. The play was a feast for the baseball-lover’s eyes.

 

 

The second paragraph (reaction) would be incomplete without motivation (the first paragraph).

 

In like manner, the first paragraph (motivation) must have the second paragraph (the reaction).

 

 

 

If someone pushes the button of the point of view character, make sure that character reacts.

 

If someone swings a hammer and hits your hand, I’ll guarantee, you’re going to at least say, “ouch.”

 

Try this exercise:

 

Across my path stood the biggest brown grizzly I’d ever seen.

 

     Write the next paragraph.

 

     I was given this exercise. Here’s mine.

     Tiny hairs stood out on the back of my neck. My legs froze at the same time I stopped breathing. I swooshed in some air and yelled. “Help.”

 

 

How did you do?

 

 

 

The order of the motivation and reaction.

 

The motivation and reaction must be in the right order. The center fielder wouldn’t catch that ball before it was batted his way. Neither would you yell “ouch” before the hammer struck your hand.

 

The order of the reaction.

Back to the button-pushing

 

Example:

     Motivation or button being pushed –

 The character sits on a tack.

 

That character reacts in this order:

1.                            Feeling – The character has no control. It just happens.

2.                            Action – The character has some control.

3.                            Speech – The character can control this.

 

 

Go back to my exercise above.

     Tiny hairs stood out on the back of my neck. My legs froze. “Help.”

Feeling – Tiny hairs stood out on the back of my neck.

 

This happens without my control. I can't stop it. The same can be said of any visceral feeling. I break out in a sweat. My breathing becomes labored.

  

     Action – I froze.

 

     Perhaps, I have some control over this action but not much. The same can be said if I write, “I ran for camp,” or "I pulled out my knife."

 

     Speech – “Help.”

 

     This, I control. Dialogue doesn’t come without me consciously doing it.

 

Not only must the reaction come after the motivation, but the reaction must come in the proper order.

You may not have all three.

 

No feeling

 

She sat on a tack. (motivation)

She jumped to her feet. (action)

She screamed. (speech) 

 

Notice here there is no feeling. However, the action must still come before the speech.

 

 No action

 

The bear appeared on the path. (motivation)

Tiny hairs stood out on the back of his neck. (feeling)

“Help.” (speech)

 

No speech

He threw the ball to right field. (motivation)

 

Perspiration poured from his brow. (feeling)

He slid and caught the ball. (action)

 

Notice that even with only 2 parts, the reaction still comes in the proper order; feeling, action, and speech.

 

 

Of course, if your reaction is only one part, there is no order.

 

Example of that:

 

He threw the ball to right field. (motivation)

He slid and caught the ball. (The reaction is only action, no feeling, no speech.)

 

 

For advanced study on this topic, go to Randy Ingermanson (the snowflake guy) He's the expert on MRUs.

Here's the link:

 

http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2008/09/24/mrus-lesson-1/

 

 Two more that write effectively about MRUs are Camy Tang and Dwight Swain.

 

Have you checked your fiction for MRUs? What if it strengthens your novel?

The Sound of Story

By Suzanne Y. Cordatos

www.suzannecordatos.blogspot.com

The cool music director of my daughter’s 5^th grade band goes for classic rock ‘n roll and traditional marches— the stuff that sounds good really loud. The young people haven't yet developed the ability to play a range of sounds through their shiny new instruments, so these pieces sound good the louder the better!

Does your work-in-progress sound too one-note?

• Is your writing packed with lightning-paced action?
•  Do you play tour guide for your readers, meandering through description (and avoiding nasty things like confronting your beloved character with bad guys and car chases?)
• Is witty, contemporary dialogue your thing?
• Do you stay in your comfort zone by relying heavily on one of these elements?

A radio hit tells us we’ll “miss the sun when it starts to snow” and we'll know you "love her when you let her go.” Without contrasts, it is difficult to recognize what is sometimes right in front of our noses. In a good book, readers are more compelled to turn pages when emotional highs and lows pull them along. Who doesn't like to cheer in the stands when a favorite character is the underdog?

Layer notes in your composition

•          Make satisfying “ups” by writing worst-case “downs”
•          If your story flies at a fast pace, how will the climax stand out?
•          If the characters don’t slow down to offer their thoughts, when will the reader identify with a character and process what is happening?
•     Talking-head characters need feet grounded in reminders of setting, so a reader can walk along. 

Musicians grow in talent when they add notes and technique to their repertoire. The conductor guides an ensemble through the score to convey the composer’s intended volume and feeling: soft pianissimo, loud forte, dramatic rhythm, or soothing flow. Music can play upon emotions like a dance, a falling in and out of love. My other talented daughter is singing this weekend in a production of Les Miserables with Colchester Community Theater. The music in Les Mis has the power to make one feel hope, anger, love, determination, longing and despair—and I’m probably missing another half dozen emotions in this list! Who doesn't love a good show (OR BOOK) that makes us laugh and cry, often at the same time?

Warning: One-note novels can be boring and exhausting to read.  

For a more interesting balance, alternate scenes with moments of contemplation—a quiet opportunity for your main character to reflect on what has gone down. More importantly, it will give your reader time to worry about what comes next. 

Have you enjoyed a book especially "musical" in its emotional complexity? When you read, do you like to feel you are in the competent hands of a good conductor? Share some titles!

Review of 4RV novel A Wandering Warrior

by Vivian Zabel

   From time to time we share outstanding reviews of 4RV books in this newsletter, but only books from 4RV Publishing. This time we'll share what a few readers had to say about Harry E. Gilleland, Jr.'s historical novel A Wandering Warrior. The cover art and illustrations inside the book are creations from Aidana WillowRaven.

     We can't post all the reviews  that have appeared in print and online, but we will at least a few short ones and one long review.

         First, let's look at some short reviews:

    “You'll definitely be rooting for Thomas to succeed.” -- Reviewed by Samantha Rivera for Readers' Favorite, A Wandering Warrior: 5 Stars
      Thomas is a warrior in medieval England. His story is filled with love and loss, hope and despair, and you'll definitely be rooting for Thomas to succeed. He has much to accomplish. This is what makes Thomas such an interesting character. He gets hurt, he falls in love, and then he gets hurt again, but he always keeps fighting. This story is also about Emalda and Juliana and how their lives tie into Thomas'.

      “The plot is interesting and the plot twists are unexpected and well handled.” Homer M. Scarborough, Jr.

    “There is so much more that happens in this story: romance, adventure, combat, damsels in distress, love found, and love lost.” Lori Lundberg

     “The story, locations, and characters were all well written and described and do a good job and transporting the reader into the story. ” Elizabeth McCrary 

      Finally we go to an excerpt from the review by Hannah Sheldon-Dean, Bookkaholic:
Highlights: Full of rich historical detail and snappy action sequences.
Synopsis: Thomas Beaumont is an itinerant soldier in twelfth-century England. When his only family members are killed, Thomas sets out to avenge their deaths and discovers a vast world of adventure and romance along the way.
Genre: Historical Fiction Rating: A

        In the latest book from Harry E. Gilleland, Jr. the prolific novelist and poet revisits the genre of historical fiction, this time with a tale set in twelfth-century England. It’s a tough world of ruffians, duels, and political machinations, and A Wandering Warrior leads readers through a rich tour of the period’s intrigues.
     The novel’s hero, Thomas Beaumont, begins the book as a humble commoner, having lost his parents at a young age and spent his teenage years fighting alongside his uncle and older brother as an itinerant soldier in any army that would have them. Despite his low birth, Thomas is an unbeatable swordsman and ferocious fighter—skills that suddenly become even more important when both his brother and uncle are killed, leaving him without any personal ties or sense of home.
        Badly injured himself in the series of frays that led to his family’s death, Thomas is taken in by a family of “Travelers” who roam the countryside in covered wagons, searching for adventure and the chance to earn a few pounds. As Thomas heals, he grows close to Emalda, a beautiful Traveler girl who hopes to marry him. But Thomas remains preoccupied with vengeance; although he wishes to remain with Emalda, he feels strongly that he must find and kill the sheriff who brutally murdered his brother. And so Thomas becomes entangled in his two central—and conflicting—quests: to avenge the deaths of those he loved, and to find new love with a worthy woman.
         It’s been said that all literature is really about sex and death, and to some extent, A Wandering Warrior reflects that principle: when Thomas isn’t fighting to the death with some bad guy or other, he’s searching relentlessly to find an elusive lover. Along the way, though, he also manages to pull off heroic rescues, make loyal friends, and explore the vast expanse of England. True to the book’s title, Thomas does indeed wander, focusing on one epic task after another in an effort to find a place for himself in an often-hostile world. Interestingly, the missions that initially seem central to the plot do not continue throughout the whole book; it’s an unusual decision, but given the nature of the protagonist, the plot’s discontinuity makes an odd sort of sense. Gilleland flips around the conventions of linear narration that often dictate such tales of chivalry, and instead allows Thomas to wander where he will, taking up new quests and acquaintances as he goes.
        It’s entertaining to watch and see where Thomas’s wanderings will lead him next, but what makes the A Wandering Warrior especially engaging is the level of detail with which the author draws its long-ago setting. Maps detailing each of Thomas’s journeys are inserted into the text, and information about how nobility functions, what it takes to be a knight errant, and how to survive while camping in a forest—to name just a few subjects—makes our hero’s world feel vivid and alive. The many fight scenes are especially intricate, and readers interested in the ins and outs of combat will find the book particularly fascinating.
        Ultimately, this book successfully immerses readers in twelfth-century England and all its nuance. Fast-paced and full of historical detail, A Wandering Warrior will satisfy readers looking for the daring and excitement of a classic adventure story.

     The reviews make me want to read A Wandering Warrior again. Harry's novel can be found through any bookstore, in paperback or eBook from Amazon and Barnes & Noble (and eBook on Kobo and Apple), as well as from the 4RV Bookstore. If you do read A Wandering Warrior, please let Harry know what you think of the book.

 

5 Tips to Make Dialogue POP

Yesterday was the Fourth of July. Many celebrated by popping their own fireworks or watching experts pop them making beautiful displays of fire and light. Writing dialogue filled with a fiery pop challenges every fiction writer.

 A couple of weeks ago, I attended a 4-day Immersion with psychologist, writer, world-acclaimed teacher, Margie Lawson. I returned home with my mind popping with ideas. Today, I’d like to give you my key take-back-to use tips from that workshop.

 

A big percent of dialogue is silent.

1. How does your character sound?  Is he loud? Does she speak with throaty, sultry undertones? When a person speaks, we listen to how they say something as much as we listen for the actual words.

“Charles” can become a question, an endearment, or a cry of fear. On the paper, how would I know, if I don’t explain how the dialogue is delivered? If I’m scared, I might write it like:

     “Charles.” The tone she used sounded like the squeal of a tornado alarm.

 

 If I’m telling of my love, you would see something like:

    “Charles.” The lilt of my words seemed to wash over him like a bubble bath.

2. What’s your character’s body language?  He might shift with nervousness or cross his arms over his chest, but I doubt he stands still. Show us what he looks like while he speaks. For ideas, watch people in a waiting room. They thumb through magazines. They cross and swing their right leg. They shift positions several times. They clasp hands and roll their thumbs in a circular motion. Study body language at a mall, an airport, or a library.

 

     3. Is there action going on while they talk? People often work while they talk. They may continue

        to saddle a horse, or wash the dishes. They may move closer into their friend’s face. Do they

        skip, run, or do calisthenics while they answer, in which case, they are probably breathless?

 

      4. Do you want your character to smile? Good. What does the smile look like? Is it a brilliant,

         thousand-watt smile or one that’s bittersweet, disappointed, sad?

 

      5. Describe your character. The first time you “meet” the character, the reader needs to visualize

          the person.

With glasses perched on her tousled-blonde head, she twisted her mouth in a lost-

                        in-thought reflection. “That might work.”

            Or, you may know the character, but need to see the effects on their looks later in the book.

            This is a good place for similes or alliteration to heighten the description, such as:

                    “I wish I could do that.” Her face relaxed like a prune soaking in water.

 

I hope my take-home tips spur your imagination to add pizzazz or pop or potential to your prose. Don’t forget the non-verbal communication. I would love to read your examples.

New releases from 4RV Publishing

by Vivian Zabel  

 

     The three newest titles from 4RV Publishing are I Like Pink by Vivian Zabel and illustrated by Ginger Nielson, Worst Case of Pasketti-itis by Kristine Asselin and illustrated by Luisa Gioffre-Suzuki, and A Wandering Warrior by Harry Gilleland and a few illustrations by Aidana WillowRaven. All three can be found on the 4RV Bookstore, as well as the major online stores and through brick 'n mortar stores.

    

  I Like Pink came into being when Vivian Zabel's great-granddaughter declared, "I like pink: dark pink, light pink, and almost-white pink." The first published picture book by Vivian was released the last of June, brought to life by Ginger's Nielson's art work. Children can learn colors and that colors have shades.

     Worst Case of Pasketti-itis helps children see, in an entertaining way, the need for a variety of food. Kristine Carlson Asselin's story will cause smiles and laughter, aided by Luisa Gioffre-Suzuki's illustrations. 

     Harry Gilleland packs much action and adventure into A Wandering Warrior. The novel includes knights, warriors, battles, and even a bit of romance. Aidana WillowRaven's drawings add interest to the tale of a daring young man's quest to avenge his brother's death.

Steps to More Energy for Writing

Copyright © 2013 Joan Y. Edwards and Her Licensors

Need More Energy?

"Steps to More Energy for Writing" by Joan Y. Edwards

Do you need more energy for writing? Here are 12 steps to help you re-energize yourself. 

1. Accept yourself as being okay,  if you're tired. Also, accept yourself as being okay if you're not tired.
2. Be open to more energy. Don't keep saying, "I'm tired. I have no energy." Those words themselves, zap your energy. Stand up. Hold your hands up high in the air. Hold your fingers apart. Spread your toes apart. Ask God to send you energy.
3. Drink a glass of water. Water hydrates your body and makes it work better. It grounds you. When you're feeling edgy, nervous, or listless, drink a glass of water. Savor every drop.
4. Eat protein: peanut butter or nuts, like cashews.
5. Dig in the dirt. Garden. Get back to nature. Sit and watch the birds and squirrels. Walk around your yard or a nearby park.
6. Exercise for 1 minute of exercise, alternate with 1 minute of resting, for five minutes. It'll get your pituitary gland in your body to send endorphins to your brain that give you a feeling of well-being and lessen your pain. We get endorphins from exercise, excitement, laughter, love, and orgasm. They said you get endorphins from eating spicy food. You can do yoga, too.
7. Breathe in deep through your nose and breathe out through your mouth three times. Relax. Then breathe in shallow through your nose 3 times quickly, and exhale through your mouth three times quickly. Repeat this until you feel calm. This is a good way to do it if you have trouble sleeping. At least it's worked for me.
8. Complete a Task. Finish a task or work on a task as long as you set your timer. If you do as you say you're going to do, you'll build up an "I can do this" attitude. Next time set the timer for 10 minutes longer and see if you can make that. Completing tasks sends a level of excitement to your brain. It sends endorphins to your brain that gives you a feeling of well-being. Make an effort to finish any task you begin. Even if you have to break it down into only 5 minutes at a time.
9. Declutter, recycle, clean up, straighten, and Feng Shui. Even picking up only 5 things that are out of place and putting them where they belong, can make a difference in your mind and body.
10. Take a nap - a power nap or a regular nap, especially if you are sleep deprived. A little nap will rest your body and might give you renewed energy to last you four hours until you can sleep through the night. That has been my experience.
11. Be thankful. Write down or say aloud three reasons you are thankful. a litany of reasons you are thankful will fill you with more endorphins and a feeling of well-being. Meditate.
12. Celebrate you. Get a cupcake. Put a candle in it and celebrate you. Think about all the good things you've accomplished in your life. Get a big poster and write your name in big letters. Underneath it write good positive words to describe you: Loving, kind, talented in many ways, determined, etc.

 
Copyright 2013 Joan Y. Edwards and Her Licensors.  
When you're tired, just a little exercise might be better or a nap.

If you're without energy for a month or more, perhaps a physical checkup with your health care provider would help. You could be anemic and need iron or have a thyroid that's not working full power.

If none of these ideas seem to work, brainstorm your own or ask your friends what helps them. Start writing, perhaps that will energize you even more.

Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards

"Joan's Elder Care Guide" 4RV Publishing, Release June 2015

Put action in books for children and teens -- a must

by Vivian Zabel   

Action for Children and Teens

         Youngsters enjoy good stories, whether they listen or read for themselves. However, action is needed to keep their attention, even if the reader wants them to go to sleep. Children don’t always respond to boredom by sleeping.

         “What do you mean, action is need?”

         Yes, I heard that question, and I’ll give you an answer that will improve any stories written for children.

         “What do you know about writing for children?”

         I have some published books and stories. My company publishes children’s, middle grade, and young adult books, and we have some very good ones, books that delight children and even adults. I have also studied what is needed in a good children’s story, poem, or book. I read about what other publishers and editors want.

         According to Write4Kids.com, stories for children develop mainly through action and dialogue, with concrete action from the first lines. Publishers and editors search for stories with a plot containing strong action.

         Part of action in writing of any kind concerns the use of strong action verbs. Passive voice and state of being verbs have a place in writing but should be avoided as much as possible. A good writer will replace weak verbs and passiveness with action verbs and active voice.

         “What are you talking about: action verbs, active voice, passive voice, state of being verbs?”

         All right, let’s have a brief grammar lesson. One type of passive voice uses verbs with have, had, or has as helping verbs. It denotes something that happened in the past in a passive, non-active way. An example of a sentence in passive voice with one of those helping verbs would be as follows:
The boy had begged for a dog for a long time, but his parents had wanted him to have a cat.
Making the verbs action without the sluggish helping verbs makes the sentence more interesting:
The boy begged for a dog for dog for a long time, but his parents wanted him to have a cat.

         Another way to have passive voice is to have the subject not do the action of the verb, but receive the action.
The ball was hit by the bat. The ball didn’t hit anything, but it was hit. The subject received the action of the verb, but didn’t act itself.
The bat hit the ball. The bat, the subject, did the acting.

         Now we can take this action a step further by using a stronger, more vivid action verb than hit.
The bat collided with the ball. The bat struck the ball.

         Using state of being verbs (is, am, are, was, were, been, being) can weaken any writing and shows no action. To avoid using them, sometimes a sentence must be rewritten. It was dark and gloomy. This sentence not only is vague with the use of it, a pronoun without an antecedent, but the linking verb or state of being verb, was, is weak. The moon hid behind the clouds gives the same description without using an unclear pronoun or a vague linking verb. Yes, sometimes we must use a state of being verb, but we should avoid them if possible.

           Action verbs show action, either physical or mental behavior. Active voice means that action is shown, that the subject does the action rather than being acted upon. The ball was hit by the bat is passive, not active. The subject "ball" is acted upon, does not act. The bat hit the ball is active voice because the subject "bat" does the action, hit. Yes, the past three sentences repeat information given previously, but we can all use the refresher course.

            Now, back to including action in children’s stories, poetry, and books.
 

       Children like action in their stories. They want to see, hear, feel things happening to the characters. They want to know what the characters do, say, experience.

         Umm … those ideas sound like what all readers of all ages want when they read and what all writers need in their work.

4RV catalog 
4RV website

Writing tips - Showing action in writing

by Vivian Zabel     

 Lights! Camera! Action!

(Showing action in writing)

          “Action” brings to mind a movie director starting the filming of a scene. Writers should keep that in mind when writing action whether in a love story, an adventure, or any other genre. Action should be included in scenes, framed portions included in the story line. 

          According to Betty Wilson Beamguard, (“Actions speak louder,” The Writer, September 2005), writers should step back and observe each scene being written as if the writer were a movie director. Each character in the scene should be active, doing things to enhance his words. The action activity should convey a message that fits. Action is portrayed through the use of strong action verbs, not with passive voice or state of being verbs.

          “Narrative summary can drag down the pace, while physical movement, dialogue and scenes engage your reader,” says Jordan E. Rosenfeld in the February 2007 issue of the same magazine. He calls a scene a frame “a little ‘container’ of action and description that reveals plot information and engages the reader.”

          Even when a story is given in written form, the reader should be able to “view” it, see what is happening, as if a drama or play is unfolding. This need for action must be explored so that readers stay focused on the plot. Rosenfeld states, “What you put 'onstage' in your scenes is what your audience members can see for themselves.” This action allows readers to participate and be affected by what happens.

          If too much expository is used or the scene isn’t interesting, a reader becomes frustrated and starts skipping paragraphs, even pages. The author has, in effect, lost his audience, the reader. Most information given in descriptive or narrative paragraphs can be presented through dialogue and action, woven through the plot in a way to provide new information and to advance the story. The conflict, setting, setup, and “what happen next” components necessary for a good plot can be developed more interestingly through action (dialogue, movements and actions of characters, body and facial behavior, and use of action verbs and active voice).

          One point that Quinn Dalton makes (The Writer, December 2006), “A scene’s action must be connected to the central concerns of the story.” Action needs to be connected to the plot, not thrown in just for the fun of it, as padding.

          Any stories or novels, even poetry, requires some powerful action. The reader needs to “see” the chase, the fight, the escape. Short sentences with strong action verbs helps make the action tough and invigorating. That doesn’t mean that each sentence should be so short that the writing becomes too choppy, but long, complex or compound sentences distract from the action portrayed. 

          Authors need to think like movie directors and develop scenes of action that become visions in the minds of readers. Which leads to a lesson about  
  

Show, Don’t Tell

         Well-written material allows the reader to see, hear, and feel what is happening rather than being told what happened. This show, don’t tell idea makes stories, whether fiction or non-fiction, and poetry live in the mind of the reader. News stories haven’t yet come under the umbrella of showing, but the purpose of straight news items is different. Let’s look at the difference between telling and showing through the following examples:

Telling:

         The couple walked down the road until they reached a house. The man hurried around the side of the house to peek around the corner as the woman knocked on the door. When an elderly man opened the screen, the hidden man jumped onto the porch with a gun in his hand, shooting the older man in the chest.

Showing through dialogue and action:

         “Jason, I don’t think we should be a doin’ this.” Marla pulled against the scraggly-haired man forcing her along the country road. “Look, we can manage some other way, can’t we?”

         With a sharp curse, Jason jerked her to a stop. “We’ll do what we planned to do. You better not back out now. Don’t even be thinkin’ that way, or I’ll make you hurt real bad.”

         Tears pooled in Marla’s eyes as she shuffled along the side of the dusty road. She wiped her nose on the arm of the faded sweatshirt she wore with tattered jeans. “Okay, okay, I’ll do it. Jest don’t hurt me any more.”

         With a rough push in her back, Jason caused her stumble a few steps before she caught her balance. “Jest get on up the drive to the house and don’t knock on the door until I get hid.” He ran ahead of her, up the steps to the wrap-around porch, and behind the corner of the house. He waved for Marla to knock on the door when she paused at the top of the steps. When she hung her head without moving, he hissed until she glanced toward him. Once he had her attention, he glared at her and shook a fist in her direction before jabbing a finger toward the door.

         Marla’s shoulders rose as she took a deep breath. She stepped to the door and lightly rapped with her fist. She started to turn away when the screen creaked open. An wizened man with wisps of gray hair standing away from his head stood in the opening.

         “What’s ja need?” he asked, leaning against the door jam. 

         Jason leaped from behind the corner of the house, a gun in his right hand. The elderly man jumped back and tried to slam the door, but he couldn’t move as rapidly as the younger man. Jason fired the gun twice. Marla stood staring at the blood squirting from the man’s narrow chest.

         He doesn’t look like he could of had that much blood, she thought as she backed away, a hand at her throat.

Showing through action:

         The couple moved in stops and starts down the country road. The young man with the stringy hair pulled the stumbling woman, no more than a teenager, and she resisted. They stopped, and the man shook the girl, yelling at her. The girl’s shoulder heaved, but she no longer fought him as they proceeded to a house set back from the gravel road.

         The man hopped onto the wrap-around porch and hid behind the corner of the house. He motioned to the girl to knock on the door. She hesitated. He pumped his fist in her direction and pointed to the door. She lowered her head but did as directed.

         When an elderly man opened the screen, the younger man leaped from behind the corner of house, a gun in his right hand. The elderly man jumped back and tried to slam the door, but the younger man was faster. He fired the gun twice. The girl stared at the blood squirting from the older man’s narrow chest.

***

         If we as writers try to write as if the narrator is an observer living the actions, behavior, and story as it unfolds before him, then we are showing, not telling. We're providing a mental "movie" in the reader's mind.

         Does that mean that a writer never "tells" anything? No, but we need to be sure we don't have "information dumps," where information is "told" in large doses, slowing or halting the flow of the story we want to bring to life. Small bits and pieces of information should be scattered throughout our writing in a way that keeps the reader's interest and allows the plot to continue to more forward, adding to the reader's understanding and enjoyment.

         Action creates a more interesting story.

Vivian Zabel, author of Midnight Hours

Emotions Are Universal

Emotions Are Universal by Joan Y. Edwards

Put emotions in your story. It makes your characters come alive. One way to make your story have universal appeal is to add the tension of opposing emotions inside your character. We all feel mixed emotions every day. Should we do this? We shouldn’t do that. It’s smart to do this. How could I be so stupid? How could he be so naive? What’s the wisest choice? Do I get a choice? When a character has two or three choices and none of them seem very good, it adds tension. It makes the reader want to turn the page.

You ask me, “What are the main emotions?” Here are three lists of emotions:

Paul Ekman’s Big Six Emotions
Anger
Disgust
Fear
Happiness
Sadness
Surprise

Ekman’s Eleven Other Basic Emotions
Amusement
Contempt
Contentment
Embarrassment
Excitement
Guilt
Pride in achievement
Relief
Satisfaction
Sensory pleasure
Shame

Robert Plutchik's Two Added Emotions (Wikipedia)
Acceptance
Anticipation

Nine Emotions of The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin
Acceptance
Anger
Apathy
Courageousness
Fear
Grief
Lust
Peace
Pride

All people experience emotions. Put believable emotions into your story. It will help your story reach out and hook more readers. You want your readers emotionally involved with the characters in the story. If they are emotionally involved, they’ll want to find out what happens to them.

Read this sentence: Jake was disgusted.

You might say the writer put the emotion into the sentence. The word, “disgusted,” is there, but we don’t feel the emotion. Add action, setting, and description of face and body to make the emotion come alive.

Below is dialogue I made up right here on the spot, just for you. See if it showed emotions through the dialogue, action, setting, and description of face and body.

Jake thought as he looked at the men pawing the waitress. “How can they do that?” His heart pounded inside his chest. He remembered his sister talking to him about the man who raped her. She said, “No one tried to stop him.”

Jake immediately left the bar stool. He stood in front of Preston Richards. “Take your two men and leave. Don’t ever come back.”

“You and whose army is going to make me leave,” Preston said as he blew smoke from his cigar into Jake’s face.

Jake’s three bouncers approached. They were six foot five and weighed 300 pounds. Their muscles were larger than Preston’s whole face.

Preston said, “Okay. We’re leaving. But, we’ll be back to get her later. You can count on it.”

Did I show any emotions without actually using the words for the emotions? I think I did. I hope you think I did, too.

If you find you’re using the word for the emotion: he was sad, she was angry, etc. It’s time for a rewrite. What you wrote isn’t wrong. It’s just not complete. It is a hint that you need to show the emotion with other words, similar to what you would do with your body if you were playing charades. You can’t use words in charades, but you can use your body and nearby props. Do that with your writing.

Use the search and find in your word-processing program. Find any plain emotion words and replace them with appropriate action, setting, dialogue, and description.

Keep a journal observing yourself or other people experiencing six emotions from the lists above. As an experiment, put down each emotion and write down visible signs or invisible signs (what’s going on inside the body) of this emotion. Keep this close to your computer so that when you are writing your next scene, you can use these ideas as spring boards to heighten the showing part of your writing.

Here are website links with information about emotions:

1. Swati Chopra Ancient Indian Emotions Nine States of Emotional Empowerment
2. Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

3. Great gives text descriptions of body when feeling 6 basic emotions
4. Pamela Berry. Clip Art Guide Great pictures matched with emotions – Free to look, pay to use on websites and in print.

5. Feeling Faces Cards.com and icons
6. Emotion puts expression on faces on Face and Emotion.com
7. Words Describing Feelings on Eqi.org
8. Words Describing Common Negative Feelings on Eqi.org
9. Aristotle’s and Robert Plutchik’s List of Emotions from Wikipedia

Thanks for reading this blog post. Good luck with your writing.

Never Give Up

Joan Y. Edwards

Joan’s Elder Care Guide 4RV Publishing Release Date: June 2015

Website http://www.joanyedwards.com

Blog http://www.joanyedwards.wordpress.com