Running up the stairs, the clock struck midnight. Mary hurried to her room with a glance toward her parents’ room. Sitting on the side of her bed, the house seemed very quiet. Her heart slowing down, the knowledge that she wasn’t in trouble made her smile. She decided that she must leave earlier parties during the times she had a curfew. She hadn’t known only the clock was three minutes fast.
What? A clock runs up stairs? A room glances toward another room. A house sits on the side of a bed? Knowledge has a heart? She leaves parties during times of curfew? Only the clock was fast?
The first paragraph confuses a reader because modifiers are misplaced or dangling. A misplaced modifier appears to modify the wrong word. A dangling modifier, a prepositional or participial phrase, has no word in the sentence that the modifier can logically modify. Let’s look at these problem areas and see how we can make the original paragraph understandable.
* Reword the main part of the sentence to include a word that the dangler can modify.
Revised sentence: Running up the stairs, the girl heard the clock struck midnight.
Revised sentence: Sitting on the side of her bed, she thought the house seemed very quiet.
* Place the adverb only before the word or phrase it modifies.
Revised sentence: She hadn’t known the clock was only three minutes fast.
* Move the modifier as close as possible to the word or phrase it modifies.
Revised sentence: With a glance toward her parents’ room, Mary hurried to her room.
Revised sentence: She decided that during the times she had a curfew she must leave parties earlier.
* Reword the dangling modifier as a subordinate clause, reflecting the relationship to the main idea in the modifier to the main idea of the sentence.
Revised sentence: After her heart slowed down, the knowledge that she wasn’t in trouble made her smile.
We can now write an understandable, intelligent paragraph by using the guidelines of correct modifiers.
Running up the stairs, the girl heard the clock struck midnight. With a glance toward her parents’ room, Mary hurried to her room. Sitting on the side of her bed, she thought the house seemed very quiet. After her heart slowed down, the knowledge that she wasn’t in trouble made her smile. She decided that during the times she had a curfew, she must leave parties earlier. She hadn’t known the clock was only three minutes fast.
Making sure that modifiers actually modify the word it should allows a reader to understand what is written and meant.
Sources:
1. Writer’s Companion, Prentice Hall
2. Literature:Platinum, Prentice Hall
3. Lesson plans from Vivian Zabel
I am so glad I am an artist... lol. But it is never too later, or the wrong time, to learn proper grammar. I know I must have been taught this in school, but I simply don't remember (I was probably doodling, rather that paying attention).
ReplyDeleteI wonder how often I make these mistakes, even in writing as basic as blog posts?
Thanks, Viv.
We all tend to write or speak faster than our brains tell us the correct structure.
ReplyDeleteHowever, we can all learn to be better.
And, in the spirit of your earlier discussion about showing, not telling:
ReplyDeleteAs the clock struck midnight, Mary slipped off her shoes and crept quickly up the stairs. Glancing furtively toward her parents’ room, she held her breath and listened for the telltale sounds – her father’s rhythmic snoring; her insomniac mother sharply turning the pages of a book that failed to hold her attention for fear her only daughter might be lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Silence. Mary dared to breathe, but she allowed herself only the tiniest, shallowest of breaths. She hurried to her room and shut the door, taking care to turn and hold the knob so that the latch wouldn’t let out a deafening click. She felt the blood throbbing in her eardrums. As her heartbeat slowed and grew softer, Mary smiled. She felt a deliciously guilty delight in having escaped her parents’ wrath, tinged with the certainty that – somehow – they knew. Next time, she vowed, she’d leave the party earlier. Curfew violations led to groundings; groundings led to social death. She had told herself that the clock was fast; what Mary didn’t know was that it was only three minutes fast.
I came into the studio early. When I read the first paragraph of this post I had to laugh. I have done this! How clearly you explained the pitfalls of the dangles. Now I want to illustrate a story about a "dangle."
ReplyDeleteAhhh, yes, Holly, you did show, but I wanted to help clarify with examples, so readers could see what was meant.
ReplyDelete*laugh* Ginger, I know you would make "Dangle" interesting.
I know. I just wanted to have a little fun with it. :) Couldn't resist the temptation.
ReplyDeleteVivian, thank you for the wonderful examples of putting modifiers where they belong.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to post something that helps other be better writers.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that Viv. It's a constantly recurring problem. I shall be recommending this link every time anyone dangles a misrelated participle in front of me in the future.
ReplyDelete