Kick Out Passive Voice

"Kick Out Passive Voice" by Joan Y. Edwards

"A style that consists of passive constructions will sap the reader's energy. The difference between an active-verb style and a passive-verb style--in clarity and vigor--is the difference between life and death for a writer."
-William Zinsser On Writing Well.

     The detective waited. He said to the police officer. "I saw it with my own eyes. This author used passive voice in his manuscript."

     The policeman took off his cap, scratched his head and said to the author, "Kick it out."

     The author put both hands out palms up. "But, Officer, I don't know what passive voice is."

     The detective and officer threw up their hands in disgust. They pointed at the author and said, "Learn about passive voice and kick it out of your manuscript in 24 hours or we'll book you."

I hope you enjoyed my humor. I certainly hope you don't get in a situation like that. However, if you do, I'm here to help you.

Active voice helps insure clarity of meaning. Every word in your manuscript should have a reason for being there. You want each word to carry a clear message in your manuscript. If your manuscript has too many words, eliminating sentences that use passive voice will trim your word count and add to your clarity at the same time. Rambling on and on in passive voice loses readers. Active voice ropes them in and keeps them reading your manuscript from beginning to the very end.

Here is an explanation with examples to help you understand about voice. There are two voices: Active Voice and Passive Voice.  

Active voice has the noun subject (doer) verb order.  The verb to be used as a linking verb shows the condition or existence of the subject.  

Passive Voice usually uses a form of the verb to be and a past participle of a verb: is, are, was, were, being, had been. The subject is not named before the verb in a sentence using passive voice.

In active voice, the subject does the action. The order is simple - subject followed by verb.

David threw the ball. Who threw the ball? David threw the ball.

Examples of sentences using active voice:

1. Stephanie lost the money.
2. Mother bought jewelry.
3. James had sung the songs.
4. Nellie was writing a letter.
5. The beaver was building a dam.
6. The hurricane had damaged seventy houses.

In passive voice, the subject (doer) isn't before the verb. The subject is absent or it may come in another part of the sentence.

The ball was thrown. The ball did what? Nothing. It was the receiver of the action. On its own, a ball can't do anything.

The sentences that follow are in the passive voice. No one knows who did the losing, the buying, or the building. It is not mentioned in the sentence before the verb. The subject is missing. The doer of the action is missing. In passive voice, the direct object of a sentence is written before the verb where the subject usually is.  #6 is still a passive voice sentence because hurricane is not before the verb damaged.

Examples of sentences using passive voice where the subject - the doer is missing.

1. Money was lost.
2. Jewelry was bought.
3. The songs had been sung.
4. The letter was being written.
5. The dam was being built.
6. Seventy houses had been damaged by the hurricane.

Think about it.  It's harder for people to read and figure out what's really going on when authors use the passive voice. Therefore, editors and readers prefer books written in the active voice. 

Search for the passive voice in your manuscript. If you use Microsoft Word, it has a review tool to check spelling and grammar. If a sentence is in the passive voice, it will tell you and suggest that you revise the sentence. 

If you use a WordPress.com blog, before you publish, it asks if you want it to show you errors. It flags sentences that are in passive voice. Remember when you change the passive voice to the active voice, put the subject (the doer) before the verb.

Active-Passive Voice Quiz for you.

Here are ten sentences: Decide if they are active or passive voice and why? The answers are below. Make all ten choices, then check the answers. If you are able to recognize the passive voice, you'll be able to kick it out of your manuscripts.

1. Jason taught the neighborhood kids how to play football.
2  At the garage sale, profits were made.
3. The firemen put the hoses down.
4. A severe weather prediction had been announced earlier.
5. A few actors whispered their words.
6. The weather man had announced a severe weather prediction earlier.
7. Words were whispered.
8. Cecilia made profits at the garage sale.
9. The hoses were put down.
10.Kids were taught how to play football.

Answers:

1. Active voice. The subject is Jason.  Jason did the action. Jason taught.
2. Passive voice. No subject. No doer. It doesn't tell who made the profits.
3. Active voice. The subject is firemen. The firemen did the action. The firemen put the hose down.
4. Passive voice. No subject. No doer. It doesn't tell who made the severe weather predictions.
5. Active voice. Subject verb order. The subject is actors. Actors did the action. Actors whispered.
6. Active voice. Subject verb order. The subject is man. Man did the action. Man made.
7. Passive voice. No subject. No doer. It doesn't tell who whispered.
8. Active voice. Subject verb order. The subject is Cecilia. Cecilia did the action. Cecilia made profits.
9. Passive voice. No subject. No doer. It doesn't tell who put the hoses down.
10. Passive voice. No subject. No doer. It doesn't tell who taught the kids to play football.

Active voice clarifies meaning and makes your writing stronger. Use active voice in your sentences. Your editor and readers will thank you.

Thank you for reading this article. Please leave questions or comments. It's fun to hear from you. Good luck with your writing.

Celebrate your life.
Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards

Joan's Elder Care Guide, Release Date with 4RV Publishing, June 2014

Active vs. Passive Voice by Katie Hines

What Makes A Sentence?

Basic, traditional sentence structure follows what is known as the SVO pattern. “S” refers to a subject, or something performing an action; “V” refers to a verb, which is the action; and, “O” refers to the object, or something receiving the action. Please note that not all sentences have an “object.”

What is the Passive Voice?

Passive voice is the opposite of active voice, and results from the overuse of the “be” verbs: am, is, was, were, be, being and been.

The passive voice is often found in sentences that begin with “there is,” “there are,” “it is” and “they are.”

Examples of passive voice:

• There were a great number of dead birds on the ground.

• There were many cows behind the fence.

• There are four to eight members in each of our critique groups.

What is the Active Voice?

The active voice uses strong action verbs, such as toss, run, jump, fly, etc.

Using the active voice allows the reader to visualize what the writer is describing or saying.

The following are examples of the active voice. Note how the above sentences are changed from passive to active voice:

• Dead birds littered the ground.

• Cows stood behind the fence.

• Our critique groups host four to eight members.

When to Use the Passive Voice

Although the use of the passive voice is often linked to weak sentences, there is a place where the use of it shines.

The passive voice is used very effectively in scientific or technical writing, where it emphasizes the process or principle being described, instead of the person performing the action.

For example, use of the passive voice is effective in the following sentence:

Open drawer two in the printer to add standard-sized paper.

However, in most fiction, the use of the passive voice slows down writing and makes it wordy.

Nancy Lamb, children’s author of The Writer’s Guide to Crafting Stories for Children, says on p. 205 of that same book:

“The difference between adequate prose and good prose is the difference between the passive and active voice. Make certain that active verbs drive your prose.”

Be especially careful not to mix active and passive voice in the same sentence!

When to Use the Active Voice

Use of the active voice brings an event into immediacy for the reader, into the present, and makes them connect more strongly with what’s being written.

For those who are grammatically challenged, think of “active” in connection with the active voice, for the active voice brings the action from the past (from having already happened) into the present.

The active voice “does it now.”

Using the active voice, with its attending action verbs, eliminates wordiness and makes what is written more interesting to read.

Writing Tips: Active v.s. Passive Voice by Stephanie Burkhart

My son Joe with one of his favorite 4RV books,
"Spider in our Mailbox."

As writers, we should always be on the lookout for active v.s. passive voice. For me, this can be a challenge at times. Passive voice can sneak into your paragraphs in the blink of an eye, and before you know it, you've written a story that will put someone to sleep.

Here's some tips on keeping your writing active:

Remember, using an active voice keeps your writing lively and engaging. In active voice, the subject acts.

EXAMPLES:

Alyssa raced up the steps.
Miguel skimmed the apps on his phone.

These sentences are direct and make it clear what's going on.

When a sentence is passive, the subject was acted upon and not an agent of action. (It's all about the action, you see –wink-)

Passive examples:

Alyssa was winded after running up the steps.
Miguel was frustrated when he couldn't find the app he wanted on the phone.

Let's face it – the above sentences are dull. There's no energy in them. They don't engage the reader. They "tell," don't "show."

Some things you can do:

1. Put the work down for a couple of hours then pick it up again looking at it with a fresh set of eyes.

2. Go through each sentence.

3. "was" is a big clue that you might have used passive voice. (While there are occasions when "was" is used in active voice, it's usually a tip that you've used it in a passive context. Does your sentence "tell," as opposed to "show?")

4. Tighten up the passages once you find them. Consult a thesaurus for alternate word choices.

EXAMPLES:

Alyssa placed her hands on her knees and drew in long, deep breaths.
Miguel frowned his frustration when he didn't find his app.

Both the retooled sentences are direct and make it clear to the reader who is doing what.

Active voice is simple and concise. It engages the reader and by engaging the reader, you keep them hooked.



Bio: Stephanie Burkhart's 4RV Release, "The Giving Meadow" is about a caterpillar that travels through a meadow making friends and learning about caring for others. She works for LAPD as a 911 Dispatcher and lives in Southern California. Born and raised in New Hampshire, her favorite football team is the New England Patriots.

5 Stars, Midwest Book Review
Colorful illustrations add just the right touch to this gentle heartwarming story about the transformative power of sharing.

Publisher's Buy Link: http://4rvpublishingllc.com/Childrens_Books.html
Find me at:

Website:
http://www.stephanieburkhart.com

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http://twitter.com/StephBurkhart

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Put action in books for children and teens -- a must

by Vivian Zabel   

Action for Children and Teens

         Youngsters enjoy good stories, whether they listen or read for themselves. However, action is needed to keep their attention, even if the reader wants them to go to sleep. Children don’t always respond to boredom by sleeping.

         “What do you mean, action is need?”

         Yes, I heard that question, and I’ll give you an answer that will improve any stories written for children.

         “What do you know about writing for children?”

         I have some published books and stories. My company publishes children’s, middle grade, and young adult books, and we have some very good ones, books that delight children and even adults. I have also studied what is needed in a good children’s story, poem, or book. I read about what other publishers and editors want.

         According to Write4Kids.com, stories for children develop mainly through action and dialogue, with concrete action from the first lines. Publishers and editors search for stories with a plot containing strong action.

         Part of action in writing of any kind concerns the use of strong action verbs. Passive voice and state of being verbs have a place in writing but should be avoided as much as possible. A good writer will replace weak verbs and passiveness with action verbs and active voice.

         “What are you talking about: action verbs, active voice, passive voice, state of being verbs?”

         All right, let’s have a brief grammar lesson. One type of passive voice uses verbs with have, had, or has as helping verbs. It denotes something that happened in the past in a passive, non-active way. An example of a sentence in passive voice with one of those helping verbs would be as follows:
The boy had begged for a dog for a long time, but his parents had wanted him to have a cat.
Making the verbs action without the sluggish helping verbs makes the sentence more interesting:
The boy begged for a dog for dog for a long time, but his parents wanted him to have a cat.

         Another way to have passive voice is to have the subject not do the action of the verb, but receive the action.
The ball was hit by the bat. The ball didn’t hit anything, but it was hit. The subject received the action of the verb, but didn’t act itself.
The bat hit the ball. The bat, the subject, did the acting.

         Now we can take this action a step further by using a stronger, more vivid action verb than hit.
The bat collided with the ball. The bat struck the ball.

         Using state of being verbs (is, am, are, was, were, been, being) can weaken any writing and shows no action. To avoid using them, sometimes a sentence must be rewritten. It was dark and gloomy. This sentence not only is vague with the use of it, a pronoun without an antecedent, but the linking verb or state of being verb, was, is weak. The moon hid behind the clouds gives the same description without using an unclear pronoun or a vague linking verb. Yes, sometimes we must use a state of being verb, but we should avoid them if possible.

           Action verbs show action, either physical or mental behavior. Active voice means that action is shown, that the subject does the action rather than being acted upon. The ball was hit by the bat is passive, not active. The subject "ball" is acted upon, does not act. The bat hit the ball is active voice because the subject "bat" does the action, hit. Yes, the past three sentences repeat information given previously, but we can all use the refresher course.

            Now, back to including action in children’s stories, poetry, and books.
 

       Children like action in their stories. They want to see, hear, feel things happening to the characters. They want to know what the characters do, say, experience.

         Umm … those ideas sound like what all readers of all ages want when they read and what all writers need in their work.

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