At times it is difficult to get over disappointing news. You get frustrated with yourself. You are short-tempered with friends and family. You can’t see things clearly. Instead of a rosy situation, like you planned, it was a lousy, awful, humiliating, and embarrassing situation.
Instead of winning, you lost 55-0. Instead of getting the raise, you got fired. Instead of getting a job after 30 applications, you were turned down. You wish it hadn’t happened. You feel disappointed.
Disappointment is anger, sadness, and resentment all dumped together at one time.
How You Might Behave When You Are Disappointed
1. You think it didn’t really happen. You block it out.
2. You blame it on anyone and everyone that you have ever known.
3. You proclaim to the whole world that it’s not fair.
4. You tell the world that this particular experience wasn’t supposed to happen. The plans in your mind never wandered down this road of possibility.
5. You might even tell the world that you knew all the time that this was going to happen. You were afraid of this particular thing. It turned out exactly how you feared it would.
1. Accept that it happened, exactly like it did.
2. Take a walk or do other exercise.
3. Accept that there’s nothing you can do to change the fact that it happened. Pray that God give you peace about it and show you what to do.
4. Be thankful that something worse didn’t happen. Be thankful for all the good things in your life. Realize that you did the best you could with the information, feelings, and knowledge you had.
5. Think through what you can do to prevent something similar from happening again. If another person’s decision, disappointed you, realize that you are not in charge of other people’s decisions. The only person you are in charge of is yourself. If your own behavior disappointed you, realize that no one’s perfect. Educate, inspire, and empower yourself. Know that you can figure out a better way of handling this emotionally. Respect and honor yourself.
6. Accept that even with the best planning in the world, it could happen again. However, if it does, you will survive. You will be fine. If you resist it and are extremely afraid of this happening again, you are increasing the chances of the situation repeating itself. What you fear, you make appear.
7. Focus on what you want. Change fearful thoughts. Think about what you want.
8. Talk with someone who is a good listener. Someone who won’t escalate your anger. Someone who won’t blame you or lay out a million reasons why you were at fault. Talk with someone who will empower you to find your solutions. Someone who believes you can figure this out. Someone who might offer possibilities. Someone who will help you brainstorm possibilities. Focus on the solutions in your mind.
9. Visualize yourself being okay.
10. Write down the steps that will keep this from happening again.
11. Take positive action. Do something you feel will lead toward a solution. Do something that will help you prevent this from happening again.
12. Find humor in what happened. Watch a funny movie. Read a funny book. Write about it as if a famous comedian were telling the story. If you can’t find humor in the situation, go ahead and cry. Crying is healing. It will level your emotions. Then you will be able to think clearly. When you can laugh about it, it means that you have let it go.
What do you do to get over disappointment? Please share ideas that work for you.
Funny you should write this. I showed my older dog last week, and was defeated both days. Crusthing disappointment and yes I went through each step you listed! To come out on the other end admitting he's showing his age and if I want those last points on him I'm going to have to step up my game, get both of us in better condition and groom him like I'm going after Best in Show. The same month I got really bad contest scores. Ouch. Double ouch. But some of the comments gave me what I needed to know: where does this chapter lose you. So I'll step up that game as well. But first, I had some sparkling Pinot Grigio. Yum
ReplyDeleteDear Mona,
DeleteThank you very much for sharing your disappointment with me. It is crushing when we really want something and don't get it. Pampering yourself with sparkling wine was a great idea for you. That's celebrating where you are now and making strategic changes in your plans to reach your goal. I'm very proud of you for your determination, in spite of your disappointment, will help you reach your goals.
Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards
Joan,
ReplyDeleteI try a variety of things and appreciate a good shoulder or ear from a friend. Suggestion #12--write it as a comedy act--spoke to me somehow. I'll have to think on it some more. Thanks for the list!
Dear Linda,
DeleteThanks for writing. I'm glad that having a good friend to listen helps you. I'm glad that writing the whole disappointing event as a comedy act spoke to you. The thing about that is you can make it as melodramatic as you want. Laughing about it puts it in prospective and helps you to see it's not as bad as it could be, and it's not as bad as it appears in your mind. Then you are able to accept it as it is and let go of trying to control the situation. Thus making room for new and better experiences.
Enjoy your day.
Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards
Joan, great advice. Disappointment happens to all of us. I think that's why adages like 'turn lemons into lemon juice' came about.
ReplyDeleteI think prioritizing and realizing there are usually other options or other chances is important also.
Dear Karen,
DeleteThank you for writing. You are right. Disappointment is a universal emotion that we all experience. Your idea of prioritizing and realizing there will be other chances helps let go of the "end of the world" feeling of disappointment.
Celebrate you.
Joan, terrific list. One of the things I do is write it out, sometimes as a poem, sometimes as a story. I named the dog in "The Angry Little Boy," (to be released next year by 4RV) after a friend who died unexpectedly.
ReplyDeleteDear Margaret,
DeleteThanks for writing. I believe that your way of writing a poem or a story to get out your feeling is awesome. You are transforming the negative energy into a thing of beauty.
Celebrate you.
My way to handle disappointment is to give myself a time limit for my personal "pity party." For example, when I wasn't hired one time, and I really needed to leave the teaching job I had, I gave myself two days to feel sorry for myself. Yes, I actually told myself, "You have two days and then forget it." If the disappointment is a heart-breaking one, I write.
ReplyDeleteDear Vivian,
DeleteThanks for writing. A limited amount of time for a personal "pity party" is a great idea. It is a healthy way to say your feelings are justified. And, then wisely letting go after a short period. I am glad that writing helps you get over heartache!
Celebrate you.
Joan Y. Edwards