How Fibromyalgia Helps My Writing

by Laurie Boris

About twenty years ago, with both forearms strapped into splints due to constant pain when I worked on the computer, I shuffled into a rheumatologist’s office. He diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. I was writing my first novel at the time, and I feared that the pain would make it my last.

Because doctors don’t know much about this disease—many won’t acknowledge it’s a disease and some don’t believe it exists at all—we “fibromites” have learned that the best treatment often lies in managing our own health and lifestyle. By taking a few simple steps, and a lot of trial and error, I’ve learned to minimize and even avoid flares altogether. However, I didn’t anticipate that these same steps could allow my writing not just to continue, but to flourish. Here’s what I’ve learned to do, for my health and for my writing. It even works if you don’t have fibromyalgia. (Note: As always, your actual experience and mileage may vary.)

• I get regular, appropriate exercise. I need to move and stretch my major muscle groups every day. Not only does this keep me healthy and reduce my pain, it allows me to spend more time at the keyboard, day after day, year after year, novel after novel. I also need regular writing exercise to keep my “chops” up. Not just sitting down when I feel inspired, but meeting inspiration halfway by being at the computer to receive it.

• I take advantage of stress. We all have stress. I can allow it to be my enemy, robbing me of energy and causing illness, or it can be my friend. I’ve learned to manage the “bad” stress. But the motivating, “good” stress of a (reasonable) deadline or a public event is a way I use stress to my advantage.

• I have learned to play to my strengths. To each day, we bring a set of bell curves: our natural biorhythms. By paying attention, I’ve learned that my mental acuity and creative energy start high in the morning, peak again just after lunch, and taper off at night. Physical flexibility starts low in the morning and increases by evening. Understanding this, I can choose when I’m best suited for particular activities. Eight a.m. yoga class? Uh, I don’t think so. Morning writing? I’m there, with my coffee and a smile. Knowing the flow of these rhythms, I don’t normally sit down at nine p.m. to start editing. I know I won’t be applying my best self to the work.

• I try to cultivate a flexible attitude. Sometimes despite doing everything right, flares happen. I may back off on other responsibilities, but very little keeps me from writing. I’ve just learned other ways to do it. Voice activated software programs are wonderful if it hurts you to type, and they can be trained to respond with decent accuracy. Setting up my writing space to fit my ergonomic needs initially cost a bit, but it was worth every penny to prevent injuries from poor posture and repetitive stress.

• I ask for help. Although I wear many hats and do a lot of things, I’m not Wonder Woman. It’s hard to admit that to myself at times. But I have learned that if I try to tackle it all, I’ll pay later with pain and fatigue. Learning to delegate tasks or ask for help around the house has made it easier to ask for that second set of eyes on my manuscript, a review, or a friend to help spread the word.

So…how are you turning your writing lemons into lemonade?

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Laurie Boris is the author of The Joke's on Me, from 4RV Publishing. She also blogs about writing, books, and the language of popular culture at http://laurieboris.com.

Never Trust Your Spell-Checker

by Laurie Boris

It’s all Maria Mariana’s fault. She was one in a group of six linguists from Georgetown University who, back in the 70s, first developed an automated way to check spelling and grammar on word processing programs for IBM. Perhaps she meant well. Thought it would be a good thing to create this seductive monster that can batch-attack the often time-consuming and ponderous human task of checking one’s work for errors.

Backfire, Maria. Semi-total epic FAIL! Spell-check has made us lazy. It has lulled us into a false sense of security with its offers to change your grammar or correct that questionable word. We all have stories of spell-checking failure, some with embarrassing and humorous results. Here are a few more reasons you should never trust that pathetic plug-in with your important work.

1. Spell-checkers are notoriously obtuse.

Consider the following passage: “My physical therapist worked out a weight-bearing routine for me that stimulates my osteoblasts, which are the cells that build new bone.” The spelling and grammar checker in my version of Microsoft Word wants to replace “stimulate” for “stimulates.” It believes that the subject that is being stimulated is plural…actually, I have no idea what it believes. It’s just wrong.

2. Spell-checkers can’t parse your intentions.

Example dialogue: “Pete’s working again.” Spell-check suggestions for this alleged error in “subject-verb agreement” include “Pete’s is working” or “Pete’s was working.” The writer’s intention was to state that Pete is once again gainfully employed. But good old SC doesn’t know this, and assumes that something of Pete’s is now or formerly was functional.

3. Spell-checkers can’t find missing words.

“Ted raced the sink” has a rather different meaning than “Ted raced to the sink.” In a long document like a novel manuscript, particularly one you’ve been poring over draft after draft, your brain will supply the missing word. So, you may miss it in the proofreading and lead your readers to believe Ted has been imbibing and sincerely believes he and the sink are in competition.

4. Spell-checkers can auto-correct you into situations in which you do not want to be auto-corrected.

A former colleague, who normally relied upon his assistant to correct and send out his correspondence, decided to give her a break and take care of some of his own. In an e-mail that went out to the entire sales staff, he intended to ask for their opinions on a new sales program. He ended with, “I look forward to seeing your evaluation.” Only, because of his less-than-stellar keyboarding skills, his spell-check program decided he meant to type “ejaculation.” Yeah. It went out that way.

4. Spell-checkers won’t tell you if your formatting is inconsistent.

This is one reason why you should never abandon something as format-dependent as your press kit, resume, or book proposal solely to the eye-chips of your computer program. It won’t tell you that you’ve ended some bullet-text items with periods and left them off others. It won’t tell you a heading is in the wrong font or tabbed in too far. It’s CRUCIAL to swing these details by human eyeballs.

5. Spell-checkers don’t measure up to humans…at least not yet.

Flawed as we are, we’re still better than a machine at certain tasks, like knowing what we meant to say. Don’t have time to proofread or can’t tell if your participles are dangling or your infinitives are split? Hire a human.

Laurie Boris is the author of The Joke's on Me, from 4RV Publishing. She also blogs about writing, books, and the language of popular culture at http://laurieboris.com.

Public Speaking for the Terminally Introverted Author

by Laurie Boris

I was recently a guest on a “Meet the Authors” panel in New York with ten other women who had been published in the last few months. We spoke about how our books came to be: the initial idea for the story, the publication process, and our marketing efforts.

As each woman took the microphone, the passion for her work came out clear-eyed and full-hearted. How she navigated the publication process clearly struck a chord with the fifty-odd women in the audience, each hoping to see their own work in print or pixels one day.

But as for marketing and promotion, they were less enthusiastic. I heard a distinct note from several of the authors. Marketing and promotion, to them, sounded like a distasteful but necessary chore, like emptying the litter box.

Then one panelist stood up and voiced what many of us had been thinking. “Face it,” she said. “We are writers. Most of us would rather hide in our rooms behind our computers.”

A natural introvert, I could really relate to that. But in today’s literary marketplace, even with social media allowing us to stay at our computers, we can no longer completely hide—not if we want to be treated as professionals. We can’t equate marketing, especially face-to-face marketing, with taking out the trash, either. It’s a vital part of being an author, making sales, and generating interest for your next book. So, what do you do if even thinking about speaking in front of a group of people makes you want to throw up?

1. Forget the clichés about imagining the audience in their underwear. Frankly, depending upon the audience, that would horrify me even more than speaking in public.

2. Remember why you are there. You arranged this event, or agreed to speak at it. You invited these people and they chose to show up. Now, what are you going to do for them? Reframe your presentation and your attitude toward helping your audience. Do you have important information to relate to them? In my case, I wanted to help aspiring authors by letting them know what to expect during and after publication. This took the focus off me and put it on what I could do for them. Therefore, since it wasn’t really about me, I didn’t have to worry as much about what people would think of me.

3. Preparation is the foundation. Yes, you’ve been living, breathing, and sleeping your latest project for years. You’ve memorized your hundred-word pitch. You know everything about your protagonist down to her choice of toothpaste. But don’t, do not, if you’re nervous about talking in front of a group, try to wing it. Write out your entire speech if you need to. Keep within the time constraints you are given, if any. Practice. Practice. Practice again. Ask a trusted friend to listen to your speech and give you feedback. Or practice in front of a mirror. You might not notice a nervous tic that needs taming or a habit of saying “um” between every other phrase. When I rehearsed with my husband, I learned that I needed to slow down and pause between sentences. Revise your script as needed, and practice until you are comfortable looking away from it (audiences like eye contact) or even not needing it, except for a few key bullet points.

4. Get comfortable in your venue. Arrive early, to get a sense of the space and settle into it. Bring your notes. Bring those little items that make you more comfortable. My mouth gets dry when I speak, so I always have a bottle of water and my favorite lip balm. I fidget less if I’m holding a pen, so I bring one. Have whatever you need to keep you settled and to reduce your fears.

And, finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help if public speaking truly terrifies you. Check in your local community for a branch of Toastmasters, so you can practice speaking in a safe environment and getting constructive feedback. Once you get comfortable and know your material cold, there’s no limit to where you can take it!

Are you confident in front of a crowd? What helps you the most? Any public speaking nightmares you’d like to share? (Don’t worry; we’re all friends here!)

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Laurie Boris is the author of The Joke's on Me, from 4RV Publishing. She also blogs about writing, books, and the language of popular culture at http://laurieboris.com.

Promotion: Review of The Joke's on Me -- The Midwest Book Review

posted by Vivian Zabel

          Appearing on "Katherine' Bookshelf" in The Midwest Book Review for September, The Joke's on Me! by Laurie Boris.

Review by Katherine Boyer:

The Joke's on Me
Laurie Boris
4RV Publishing LLC
PO Box 6482, Edmond OK 73083
9780982642399 $18.99

Laurie Boris has written a comical book with her first novel, The Joke's on Me. Humor is entwined throughout this book about former actress/comic, Francine Goldberg, Frankie to family and friends, who returns home when she feels that she has been a failure.

"The cherry-red convertible and I bounced down the excuse for a road leading to my mother's bed and breakfast. This was not the most pleasant car trip I'd ever taken, and by the time I got to Woodstock, "bed" and "breakfast" were the only two things I wanted to see, besides a bathroom with a locking door. Unfortunately, when I pulled into the gravel parking lot, there was no room at the inn. The lot overflowed with old Volvos wearing rust spots and bumper stickers like "Free Tibet" and "My Other Car is a Broom".

The catalyst for her return to Woodstock was when the house she was living in rolled down into the Pacific Ocean with all of her worldly belongings, except the cherry red convertible given to her by her former boss. Then the actress she was working for decided to take a hiatus from her work as a famous, well-known actress and didn't need her help. And her mother had a stroke that brought on memory loss.

When she reached her childhood home, she found that her older sister, Jude, had put their mother in a nursing home and started running the family B & B as a holistic health retreat for 'over-the-hill' hippies. She also has ideas for the future of the B & B that will get them back in the black.

Frankie decides to stay and help her sister for the summer. She finds satisfaction in working to save the family business. You will be fascinated by the changes that Frankie undergoes as she sorts out her life.

Some old mysteries, that Frankie was not aware of, pop up as she reflects on her past life and her future. As you read through her memories and the amusing happenings of her former and new life, you will become fascinated with her and her family and friends.

Throughout the summer, Frankie struggles with her future. Should she stay in Woodstock and restore the business her parents had nurtured for so many years or should she head back to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood life? Her decision will be life-changing either way.

Laurie Boris is an award winning freelance writer with a background in advertising and marketing. She has written editorial copy, web articles, press releases, and other marketing materials. She is living in upstate New York working on her next novel.

Katherine Boyer
Reviewer

          The Joke's on Me! is on sale for the holidays: 4RV Bookstore.

4RV Publishing website

7 Things Bugs Bunny Taught Me About Writing

by Laurie Boris

Since childhood, I've been a huge fan of the cartoon rabbit that animator Chuck Jones called "an amalgam of Dorothy Parker, Rex Harrison and D'Artagnon." Watching Bugs and his Looney Tunes pals reminds me of all the lessons that Wascally Wabbit taught me over the years. Some even about writing. For instance:

1. Get your chops down. A daily writing practice keeps you sharp-witted and ready to face down any adversary, including despicable villains, faint-hearted protagonists, and loud-mouthed ducks.

2. Don't take any guff. Is your internal critic jabbering up a storm? Or is some muscle-bound galoot robbing you of your beauty sleep or threatening your carrot patch? You can take them. All it takes is a good strategy and a little charisma to get everyone back in line.

3. No experience is wasted. Even if you miss the left turn at Albuquerque, have to fight a raging bull, or return a crying penguin to the South Pole, try to enjoy the ride. And take a few notes for your next story. After all, it worked for Kerouac and Hemingway.

4. Persistence pays off. You may have to play a lot of bit parts in the chorus before you get your starring role. Is writing is the love of your life? Stick with it and stay in the market for a better chance of becoming happily published.

5. Know when to improvise. Sometimes the script isn't going the way you want. Acme Instant Holes, exploding cigars, distracting kisses, or cream pies all give you a handy exit strategy.

6. Research rules. Your hero has to stare down a lineup of burly sluggers or play a round of golf to settle a bet with an irate bagpiper, and you know nothing about either sport. Find an expert. Or learn on the fly. Just be prepared to chop up the golf course or give up a lot of homers until you get the feel for it.

7. Rise to the challenge. There are hunters, agents, critics, coyotes, Tasmanian Devils, and other saboteurs around every corner. Animated rabbit or aspiring writer, it's not an easy life, but a most rewarding one if you choose to accept the challenge.

What about you? Are you rising to your challenges? Or are you searching the Acme catalog for reinforcements?

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Laurie Boris is the author of The Joke's on Me, a contemporary novel NEW from 4RV Publishing. She also blogs about writing, books, and the language of popular culture at http://laurieboris.com.

Promotion: A Review of The Joke's on Me by Laurie Boris

          One of 4RV Publishing's newest releases is the novel The Joke's on Me by Laurie Boris. The first review of the novel was posted on Write Meg! 

Book review: ‘The Joke’s On Me’ by Laurie Boris

          One of the things I love about books is their endless power to surprise you. When I was offered a copy of Laurie Boris’ The Joke’s On Me, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect — but I accepted based on the first chapter. It sounded funny. Punchy. And it didn’t let me down.

          When Frankie Goldberg pulls back into Woodstock, N.Y., with just her few possessions lodged in a bright red convertible, she’s immediately greeted by her sister, Jude, leading a holistic retreat at the family bed and breakfast. Nothing totally unusual — except for the fact that everyone is nude. After recovering from the shock of that encounter, Frankie begins to take inventory of all the changes that have taken place since she moved to Los Angeles — most notably that her mother, once a formidable woman, has been moved to a nursing home.

         Frankie, a “menopause baby,” is much younger than Jude — and was never considered the responsible sister, even as Jude cycled through husbands and raised her son, Ethan. After Frankie left home to pursue a life as a comedian and actress, Jude picked up the slack — and she hasn’t let her little sister forget it. Brought together again in their mutual desire to help their mother, Frankie has to finally put down roots — or run away again. But the presence of one Joey Mazzarella, former childhood crush, might make the choosing a little more difficult . . .

         Laurie Boris’ The Joke’s On Me is a funny, sweet and realistic story showcasing the love of one family — and the idea that it’s never too late to start over. What really sold me on the novel was Jude and Frankie’s relationship, which felt honest and raw. Though never dramatic, Boris offers readers tender conversations between the women that defy the age gap between them. At the heart of it all, there’s love.

         In her author biography, Boris describes herself as a “closet stand-up comedian” — and I think that humor really shines in The Joke’s On Me. Her sarcasm, rarely mean-spirited, is evident in Frankie’s character, and I immediately felt close to her as a narrator. She’s not without her faults, that’s for sure, but she owns up to them; she’s not without her quirks, either, but they make her lovable. Frankie felt like a friend.

         And the love story? Oh, what a sucker I am for first love — and the sweet progression of Joey and Frankie’s relationship melted the little cockles of my heart. I loved that Joey is a baseball coach and Frankie is a lady that grew up appreciating the sport; like her, baseball is the one game I actually enjoy and understand. The frequent ballpark settings were ones I could appreciate!

          Quirky, fun and very readable, Boris has crafted a novel with pithy dialogue, dueling sisters and plenty of heart. I read it quickly and enjoyed meeting Boris during the Author Speed Dating session at the Book Blogger Convention, where she sat down to tell me about this book and I immediately squealed, “Laurie Boris! Oh, I have your book!” She looked genuinely surprised and was very kind, and I was happy to tell her I’d already enjoyed her debut novel. And if you’re looking for an amusing read, I think you will, too.

         The Joke's on Me can be ordered through the 4RV Catalog as well as through bookstores and online stores. More about the author can be found on  Laurie Boris, Freelance Writer.

Wackiest Writing Advice I’ve Gotten

by Laurie Boris

Over the many years I’ve been writing, I’ve gotten some excellent advice from teachers, editors, publishers, literary agents, and other writers. But some has been, well, not as helpful. Here’s some of the wackiest advice I’ve gotten. (Note: your actual experience may vary.)

1. Write what you know. Pretty much every writer has been hit with this one. Yes, writing about people, places, and situations with which you are intimately involved might make your writing more immediate and more powerful. (How could Mark Twain have pulled off so many of his great novels if the Mississippi didn’t course through his veins?) But this type of dogma can limit your creativity by forcing you to focus solely on what and whom you’ve been exposed to. What about science fiction and fantasy writers, who imagine worlds so palpable it’s hard to believe they don’t exist in “real life”? How could Gene Roddenberry have created Star Trek or Frank Herbert written the haunting, sandworm-infested world of Dune if they’d stuck solely to writing what had passed by their eyes and ears? Perhaps we could tailor that phrase, as many have suggested, to read, “Write what you want to know.”

2. Comedy doesn’t sell. Augh! And me, a (mostly) comedy writer! Yes, comedy is subjective. This may be why some in the publishing industry are reluctant to take it on. But there sure are a lot of people buying Carl Hiaasen, Janet Evanovich, Sophie Kinsella, Rita Mae Brown, Nick Hornby, and Dave Barry.

3. Adults don’t want to read stories with teen protagonists. A literary agent told me this, as I shopped around a novel with a sixteen-going-on-thirty-year-old protagonist. I think it’s ridiculous. Had she never heard of Holden Caulfield? Or maybe Bella Swan? Twilight readers aren’t all teens. Many of them are mothers of teens.

4. The novel is dead. Are you kidding me? We could argue about the possible passing of printed novels underneath the wave of e-book sales, but story itself? No. We want to read stuff. Sales figures show that. Categories may shift in popularity (vampires this month, cheeky British singletons the next, telepathic zombies after that) but novel sales—especially romance and YA—are not horrible.

5. Women can’t write male POV characters (and vice versa). This is a fascinating bit and I could probably write a whole blog (or two) about it. A teacher of mine, for whom I have nothing but respect and admiration, regularly lectures women writers to stay out of men’s heads. That we couldn’t possibly know how men think, and if we asked one, he’d lie. I have a problem with this. Yes, I’ve read many stereotypical, cardboard or just plain WRONG female POV characters written by men (Steve Martin’s Shopgirl in particular disturbed me), and I imagine you guys could give me a few examples of off-key male characters written by women. But have you read Memoir of a Geisha? Arthur Golden did his research, interviewed geishas, and even made himself up as one so he could get closer to the characters he wrote so brilliantly about. Jonathan Franzen took some heat for writing female POV in Freedom. NPR’s Terry Gross asked him if, as a man, he’d found it challenging to write Patty, his female POV protagonist. Franzen merely replied that he’d grown up around women. So, what’s not to know? I grew up with a father, two brothers, and later, a whole bunch of stepbrothers. And mostly (judging from the feedback of guys who’ve done my crits), my male characters are authentic. Unless they’ve been lying to me.

I hope you won’t lie to me. What is the wackiest advice you ever got about writing, or about anything else?

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Laurie Boris is the author of The Joke's on Me, a contemporary novel NEW from 4RV Publishing. She also blogs about writing, books, and the language of popular culture at http://laurieboris.com.

A Character by Any Other Name

by Laurie Boris

Along with their physical descriptions, speech patterns, and those quirky gestures however irritating or endearing, your characters' names can speak volumes about their personalities.

Consider Cruella de Vil from A Thousand And One Dalmatians. Would she inspire the same fear if she were named Becky Jones? Would Hannibal Lecter be as menacing if he were Sheldon Greenblatt? What about “Call me Fred.”? Doesn't have quite the same je ne sais quoi, does it?

But how do you come up with just the right name for your character? Here are a few things to think about:

1. Choose something age-appropriate. If I'm writing an American, middle-class character about my age, I think back to high school. Kathy, Lisa, Donna, Mary, and Karen were very popular names for girls, and there were a lot of guys named David, Steven, and Mike. Not that you wouldn't find something more unusual floating about, but in fiction, readers are more likely to go with the probable than the possible. If my character is in her thirties, he or she may have a spunkier name like Jason, Jennifer, Stephanie, or Stacy. (My thirty-something protagonist of The Joke's on Me is named Frankie.) A teenager may have been named after his or her mother's favorite pop culture star. Hence the number of Ashleys, Olivias, Justins, and Britneys floating around.

2. Choose something regionally, ethnically, or culturally appropriate. This is a dicier area, because you don't want to offend your readers by using a cultural or ethnic stereotype. If you have a character in your story who comes from an ethnic or cultural group different from your own, do some research. In some countries, babies are given very specific names based on their meanings. In some cultures or religions, it's considered bad luck to name a child after a dead relative, while in others, this is done frequently and almost expected. What has helped me is a directory of worldwide baby names with their meanings. And my good friend, Google.

3. Consider your character's role in the story. An unlikely hero (or heroine) may have an unassuming name, like David Copperfield or The Grapes of Wrath's Tom Joad. Or, a timid character saddled with a heroic name (or a larger-than-life relative's name) may struggle to fill those big shoes.

4. Avoid making a name into a reading bump if possible. I loved the name Lisbeth for one of my characters, but my writing group's feedback convinced me to change it to something simpler because they kept getting stuck on it and feeling distracted from the story. She's now Liz. No harm, no foul, no reading bumps.

5. Unless you're writing comedy or a funny children's book, avoid any name that rhymes with said. I never thought about this until I wrote a contemporary novel in which I'd named the husband Ted. Imagine page after page of “Ted said” and all those readers laughing to themselves because of the unintentional rhyme. I actually considered putting the whole thing in present tense so I wouldn't have to deal with that particular issue! It was much easier, and better for the story, to change the husband's name.

6. If your character cries out for an unusual name (think Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye or Ignatius J. Reilly in A Confederacy of Dunces), he or she will most likely pay the consequences, just as in real life. But this is rich material for character development. These consequences (teasing, bullying, even scorn for being named after an infamous figure) may end up shaping the character.

7. Still stumped? Open the phone book, peruse baby-naming books, or scan popular culture for an interesting, appropriate name.

How do you name your characters? What are some of your favorite character names from the books you've read? Any that you felt didn't fit the character? Or fit him or her exceptionally well? Any name you're really tired of hearing? Let's talk about it!

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Laurie Boris is the author of The Joke's on Me, due out from 4RV Publishing this summer. She also blogs about writing, books, and the language of popular culture at http://laurieboris.com.

Eavesdrop Your Way To Better Dialogue

by Laurie Boris

Ideally, dialogue in fiction is supposed to be a representation of how people actually speak. (Extracting the polite greetings and chit-chat and such, unless that chit-chat reveals story or character.) How better to learn the way people actually speak than to listen to them conversing with one another?

Before I get arrested as an accessory to violation of privacy, I'm not saying that you should put your ear up to walls (unless something particularly juicy is going on) or hang out outside of people's domiciles with a shotgun mic. I'm talking about a little public eavesdropping. Don't think you can pull it off without blushing, staring, bladder control issues, or otherwise giving yourself away? Try some of my favorite eavesdropping tips:

1. Observe the natives in their natural habitat. Writing a young adult novel and don't think your dialogue sounds authentic? Go to the mall. Hang out in the food court near a large group of kids. Don't act like a stalker. Just hang out. Don't look at them; it makes them clam up and, depending upon how you are dressed, makes them move away. Bring something to read, preferably something stuffy, non-electronic, and unrelated to anything teenage kids are interested in. You will essentially become invisible.

2. Become a fly on the wall while writing everything down. I keep a tiny notebook in my purse at all times. (It's an excellent habit to get into, since you don't know when inspiration or a juicy morsel will strike. However, if this occurs while driving, please pull over to the side of the road first.) But if I'm going someplace where I know I'll have a long wait, I'll bring my "real" journal. This is especially fruitful while I'm waiting to have my car serviced. I'll get a cup of coffee and make myself comfortable in their waiting area, which is usually crowded. I'll take up my journal and start writing...everything people in the area are saying. Why would anybody question me? I'm simply writing in my journal.

3. Learn the art of reading without reading. This is my favorite eavesdropper tool. If I bring a magazine or book on the train, and actually read it, I won't pick up on the conversation the two women are having behind me about a mutual friend's episiotomy. (Hey, you never know when you might need something like that in a scene.) If I focus on the white space between the lines, then unfocus my eyes, I can hear every word. It's kind of like those puzzles where if you look at them just right, you can see the chrysanthemum in the elephant's ear. Don't ask me; I couldn't see it either.

4. Know that most people are very casual about their public phone behavior. I love banks of pay phones, where they still exist. If you act like you're waiting to make a call (pace about, check your watch, jingle change in your pocket, and for heaven's sake, don't check your BlackBerry, as that's a dead giveaway), you can pick up a boatload of great authentic dialogue. Even more fun is guessing at the conversation on the other side of the phone. Use it as a writing exercise. The advent of cell phones has made one-sided eavesdropping even easier. The rule here is not to approach anyone having a cell phone conversation. That scares them off, and it's just plain rude. These opportunities are usually spontaneous. For instance, you're enjoying a double tall cappuccino at your favorite people-watching spot when Beyoncé starts warbling from the cell phone of the twenty-something sitting near you. She starts an animated and very loud discussion with her BFF about her last date with a married celebrity, a certifiable cretin who picked his teeth at the dinner table, said that Hitler was misunderstood, and ordered lasagna for her when he darned well knew she was lactose intolerant. You are under no obligation to move.

Any good eavesdropping tips you've used to improve your writing and add sparkle to your dialogue? What are some of your favorite pieces of authentic dialogue?

(Laurie Boris blogs regularly about writing, novels, and the language of popular culture at http://laurieboris.com)